I think that they call this acute frustration.

Well, “sweeps February 2006” at One Life to Live is off to its usual start, which is to say that, after several weeks of solid story on many different fronts, it has veered off course into the realm of the completely ridiculous. Character integrity is being dropped left and right, storylines you’d hoped were long gone have re-appeared to anger and disgust anew, what happened in Llanview yesterday has no bearing on what will happen today. And just when you hoped it might be safe to open your eyes again, geometry is back and its ugly head has been seen.

And it hasn’t been a pretty sight.

Viki/Niki, Clint, Dorian, Tess/Jess, Nash, Claudia (another scorned woman turned psychotic because one just isn’t enough), Antonio, Kelly, Kevin, Duke (even the mention of these three names together makes my skin crawl), Blair, Todd, Spencer the Barnacle, the still-alive Margaret, and yes, John, Evangeline, Cristian, Natalie – all have been geometricized almost to the point of being completely unrecognizable. Sound familiar? Well, it certainly should. It’s the same lame writing we’ve seen time and time again.

For the record, apologies to all who disagree but as far as I’m concerned, Evangeline Williamson’s new “friend” Cristian Vega is the man who willfully extracted that promise from John McBain to (a) keep his true identity secret, allowing his wife, his mother, his brother, and his cousin to believe him dead, and (b) take care of and look after Natalie because he recognized that there were feelings between John and Natalie and so this would be something John would be only too happy to do for him.

Question: Did new “friend” Cristian once think about Evangeline, who was the woman in John’s life at the time, the woman of whom he asked “You go with McBain, right?” Answer: No, he did not.

Question: Did new “friend” Cristian care that throwing his needy Natalie into the middle of what was a committed relationship might possibly tear that relationship apart, resulting in a broken-hearted Evangeline Williamson? Answer: No, he did not.

Question: Has new “friend” Cristian even offered one word of apology to his new “friend” Evangeline for what he helped do to her relationship with the man she clearly loves? Answer: No, he has not.

So my question is this: Why, instead of turning to Antonio Vega, a man she has known even longer than she’s known John, or turning to her comatose best friend Nora, a woman she seems to have forgotten these past few months, or turning to her sister Layla, has Evangeline turned to Cristian for fun and frolic and relief from all that troubles her mind these days? Why does she not ban the subject of John McBain from their conversation whenever Cristian launches into one of his “McBain doesn’t deserve you” observations, reminding Cristian that she could certainly say the same things about his precious Natalie but chooses not to minimize, disrespect, or invalidate his feelings for her by listing Natalie’s many, many character flaws and endless betrayals? By the way, Cristian, expert in all affairs of the heart, also advised Lindsay that R.J. wasn’t good enough for her or some such. Maybe Cristian should give the art stuff a rest, since his stretch in the “Big House” seems to have given him insight that rivals Dear Abby. Instead of trying to sell paintings of Natalie, why not try a column of advice to the lovelorn? Well, maybe Cristian the expert should consider getting his own romantic house in order before offering his unsolicited advice to anyone else. As a matter of fact, maybe he should be spending his time doing exactly that – far, far, far away from my favorite story, in which he clearly has no place. But I digress…

Why on earth would Evangeline discuss John with Cristian, anyway? Is this not the same Evangeline Williamson who doesn’t get close to people – who keeps her feelings to herself? Why would this same Evangeline Williamson spend the eve of Todd’s sentencing at a bar, giggling and noodling with this same Cristian Vega instead of spending every possible moment looking for a way to prove the innocence of her friend and client – to somehow have his conviction overturned? Why would this same Evangeline Williamson allow herself to be used by her “friend” Cristian to make Natalie jealous? Why would this same Evangeline Williamson run off with her “friend” Cristian to take her mind off the fact that her friend and client Todd Manning had received the death penalty for a crime she’s certain he did not commit instead of obsessing over finding a way to exonerate him – especially now that the death sentence has been pronounced? Why would any fan of this wonderful character want to see her in yet, another situation that will have Natalie in her face one more time, spewing her usual venom, and behaving in her customary childish and ungrateful manner? Why has the mature, adult Evangeline started to behave more and more like a carefree and unconcerned twenty-year-old instead of the respected and conscientious attorney at law she has always been? Could it be the company she’s been keeping lately, courtesy of OLTL’s obsession with geometry?

Now we’re to believe that Natalie Vega (or Buchanan – does it really matter?) is actually capable of being a friend to anyone? Who are they kidding? Now she’s offering to be John’s friend, to help him through the rough time he’s going through. Will she be able to take her mind off of herself long enough to notice anything around her involving anyone else for reasons other than the usual - her own self interest? Doubt it. But, in order to service the dreaded “quad”, we see a John who, although has lost his badge – the thing that gives him an identity that he can live with, although just a few days ago he virtually executed an armed junkie, firing not one but three separate shots, preferring to kill rather than talk him down, possibly shooting his own brother in the process, although still in denial about his need for professional help to get out from under everything he’s been holding down for most of his life gives the impression that the mere possibility of this totally predictable turnaround from the always tiresome child has given the brooding detective on suspension all the hope he needs to feel better and maybe even heal himself from within. Oh, look! Must be OLTL’s lesson in geometry again that’s done it! Why even have Dr. Crosby at all when Natalie’s “friendship” can cure John of everything that’s wrong with him? Note: I feel wave after wave of nausea coming on so please forgive me in advance for any blank spaces you may encounter.

The same way that many of us insisted that John McBain’s integrity was stripped away last year in order to service “the quadrangle”, so is Evangeline Williamson’s integrity being stripped away this year in order to service the same quadrangle. Remember that whenever the writing starts leaning in the direction of triangles and quadrangles, storylines plod and drag along, going no place fast or slow, character integrity is assassinated, and talented performers are criminally wasted. And make no mistake. That is exactly what’s happening so far during sweeps.

There’s no time to lose. Yes, it’s early but a mere 4 shows into “sweeps”, I’ve already seen enough to send me into a letter-writing frenzy - to get a few things off my chest for the powers that be at One Life to Live. It feels really, really, really important to give them a swift verbal knock upside the head about where and what the real story is where “the quadrangle” is concerned – just in case they’ve actually forgotten. It’s not about Evangeline and her new so-called “friend” Cristian Vega. It’s not about John and his albatross – oops! – I mean “friend” Natalie.

It is the love story of John McBain and Evangeline Williamson, told as only Michael Easton and Renee Elise Goldsberry can tell it – if only they’re given the material to do so. If the writing’s there, anything can happen on a soap – anything at all. People get amnesia, DID, and come back from the dead all the time. If the folks in charge get enough of a nudge, they can un-write whatever they’ve written so far, re-direct and re-spin it and give us back the story that I, for one, know for sure that I want to see, which may very well be the intent here. Even if it is, a reminder here, there, and everywhere won’t hurt. In fact, it will only reinforce what’s really important.

The ONLY story I want to see is the story of John McBain and Evangeline Williamson, period – without the excess weight of characters who should be out of this and into their very own story. I want the undiluted, undiverted, and uninterrupted story of these two wonderful characters, acted by these two amazing actors. Stop dancing all around it.

Just tell us their story, already!